LGBT news and other prominent sites
Several mainstream and/or LGBT news sites have published articles trying to make people (especially gay men and lesbians) feel bad about voicing their sexual boundaries, or even simply having them.
Confused about what the heck is going on? See our explanation.
Mainstream media
Mashable
https://web.archive.org/web/20230525211346/https://mashable.com/article/no-trans-people-preference-transphobichttps://archive.md/6Ui98
This article attempts to guilt people into not clarifying what genitals a trans person has prior to sexual intercourse by mentioning "harmful stereotypes" and saying 2021 has "the highest number of deaths on record" for trans people. This article's last paragraph says "It’s easy to think that, when discussing genitals, the answer a trans person will give will be a dealbreaker for any romantic or sexual escalation, but maybe the issue is asking the wrong question. Don't ask me what I look like...Get to know me, all of me. Ask every question but that one...". Sexual consent should be free, enthusiatic and informed.
The Guardian
https://web.archive.org/web/20220624123736/https://www.theguardian.com/theobserver/commentisfree/2022/jun/05/observer-letters-beauty-desire-lie-unexpected-places#:~:text=This%20is%20not%20coercive%20but%20invites%20people%20to%20reflect%20on%20their%20preferences.https://archive.md/Jj0RF
An article gently telling lesbians to "reflect on their preferences" - those preferences being their exclusive same sex attraction. Refers to exclusive same/opposite sex orientations as a "genital preference".
Vice
https://web.archive.org/web/20230905023230/https://www.vice.com/en/article/3kayv5/the-lesbian-vloggers-teaching-queer-teens-how-to-have-better-safer-sex#:~:text=Boebi%20and%20Jade%27s,for%20queer%20people.https://archive.md/hjf89#:~:text=Boebi%20and%20Jade%27s,for%20queer%20people.
This article describes lesbian YouTuber Arielle Scarcella as "transphobic", citing a video she made called "Would You Date a Lesbian With a Penis?", but positively portray Riley J. Dennis, who they say made lesbian sex guides on how to have sex with penises. Dennis has said people should "examine" their "genital preferences", and that "preferences for women with vaginas over women with penises might be partially informed by the influence of a [transphobic] society".
Healthline
https://web.archive.org/web/20200605094425/https://www.healthline.com/health/different-types-of-sexuality
https://archive.md/uLv00
See: lesbian, gay, bisexual, homosexual
Heterosexual has also been redefined. "Sexual orientation" is described as "the gender(s) or sex(es) of the people you are attracted to (if any)"
https://web.archive.org/web/20220615094521/https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/how-do-lesbians-have-sex
https://archive.ph/vqU3z
Article instructing lesbians how to handle a penis. It also claims lesbian sex can result in pregnancy.
https://web.archive.org/web/20230515083646/https://www.healthline.com/health/am-i-lesbian
https://archive.md/nw0qt
The article reads: '“The most accurate definition to lesbian history is that a lesbian is a non-man who loves, dates, or f*cks other non-men,” says Jordan Underwood, a nonbinary lesbian, fat activist, model, and content creator.'
It also says: '“There’s often a misunderstanding that comes from TERF (trans-exclusionary radical feminist) rhetoric that all lesbians are AFAB (assigned female at birth) and that lesbianism is centered around vaginas,” Underwood says. But these two things are FALSE.'
The Daily Beast
https://web.archive.org/web/20220320035358/https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-struggle-to-find-trans-love-in-san-franciscohttps://archive.md/PcFxN
The article reads:
"I am also embarrassed as a queer for the fact that so many straight cis men have worked through, or are beginning to work through, their own issues regarding trans women, whereas most cis queer women refuse to even consider the possibility that they even have an issue."
"And when the overwhelming majority of cis dykes date and fuck cis women, but are not open to, or are even turned off by, the idea of dating or fucking trans women, how is that not transphobic?"
"And to those cis women who claim a dyke identity, yet consider trans men, but not trans women, to be a part of your dating pool, let me ask you this: How are you not a hypocrite?"
"one of the most critical functions that queer women’s communities serve is in providing a safe space outside of the heterocentric mainstream where women can express interest, attraction, and affection toward other women." God, the hypocrisy is staggering.
NBC News
https://web.archive.org/web/20231029004015/https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/lesbian-dating-platform-sends-message-transphobes-delete-app-rcna82049https://archive.md/TZhRM
NBC News writes a puff piece in support of LGBT dating app HER, which has policies preventing lesbians from excluding the opposite sex from their dating pool. The article was published shortly after HER's official social media account posted tweets sexually harassing lesbians and other women who criticised them. See the dating apps page for sources and more information.
LGBT news sites
The Advocate
https://web.archive.org/web/20220621122231/https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2019/12/14/refusing-date-trans-people-transphobichttps://archive.md/G45G7
Manipulative, coercive article from the Advocate suggesting not being attracted to trans people is prejudiced & ignoring that some people may want functioning genitals, or genitals that align with the person's other sex characteristics
"While it is true that most transgender people have not had “bottom” surgery, ruling out an entire class of people based on a false assumption (that all transgender women have a penis and all transgender men have a vagina) is discriminatory."
The article ends by saying: "There are conventionally attractive, intelligent, charming transgender people...who are physically indistinguishable from their cisgender counterparts. Blanket refusals to even entertain the possibility of dating someone who is transgender is borne out of transphobia..."
Why is this problematic?
Pride.com
https://web.archive.org/web/20221212020401/https://www.pride.com/dearmarsha/2017/8/09/we-need-talk-about-arielle-scarcellas-video-trans-women-dating-preferenceshttps://archive.md/9M513
This article starts by attacking lesbian YouTube Arielle Scarcella for a video [see archived copy] she made criticising a trans rights activist for insinuating that exclusive same sex attraction is bigotry. It goes downhill from there.
It reads: '...Preferences are prejudice...No one’s asking you to want to have sex with everyone, but declaring "preferences" publicly does nothing but reinforce negative cultural norms which put white, able-bodied, fit, cis people at the top and everyone else below, and those farthest from those norms at the very bottom. Keep your "preferences" to yourself.'
Trans rights activists on Twitter/X often refer to exclusive same sex attraction as a "transphobic" "genital preference".
https://web.archive.org/web/20220808130223/https://www.pride.com/firstperson/2016/7/15/im-only-attracted-other-cis-gay-men-am-i-transphobic
https://archive.ph/uL2vb
This article (and many other trans rights activists/allies) reiterates several homophobic tropes, calling same sex attraction a "preference", saying same sex attraction is caused by society, needs to be "fixed" and assumes gay men and lesbians can (and should) be attracted to the opposite sex, and that gay men "haven't found the right woman yet".
It's written by a self-identified "gay man" saying it "hurts [his] heart to know that my sexual and romantic relationships aren’t inclusive".
He says "Being gay, I am (by definition) only attracted to a person of the same sex (which in my case happens to be men).", but then goes on to attack his own point, saying "But aren’t trans men…just men? The answer is (obviously) yes." and 'the idea of "a man" is just a major social construct', and claims he's sexually attracted to that "social construct".
He says, "I’m not sitting here saying I’m never going to be attracted to a trans man. I just haven’t been attracted to a trans man…yet. And I think it’s in this statement where the difference between preference and prejudice lies."
Curve Mag
https://web.archive.org/web/20230525175941/https://www.curvemag.com/blog/transgender/the-often-misunderstood-premise-of-the-cotton-ceiling/https://archive.md/tC7gl
A common argument you'll hear from trans activists is "no one is forcing lesbians/gay men to sleep with trans women/men;" instead people are just being told to examine their prejudices; the prejudices in question being their exclusive same sex attraction. In this article they compare homosexuality to stereotyping brown people.
Autostraddle
https://web.archive.org/web/20230208004954/https://www.autostraddle.com/this-is-an-essay-about-penises/https://archive.md/7Kniz
I kinda feel sorry for this person. They don't seem to understand that sex isn't about making someone else feel better; it should be mutually enjoyable; this includes themself.
"The most frequent microaggressions I experience involve [people born female] talking about how they don’t like dicks."
"The only way to fight transphobia in a way that’s substantial, effective, and permanent, is for our culture to shift its very notion of gender. That is not going to start with transphobes. That’s going to start with people who consider themselves trans-inclusive, but have so much internal work left to do. That’s going to start with a queer woman who respects my pronouns, but is still uncomfortable at the thought of my penis."
Ok, losing sympathy now.
https://web.archive.org/web/20230814180040/https://www.autostraddle.com/getting-with-girls-like-us-a-radical-guide-to-dating-trans-women-for-cis-women-160269/
https://archive.md/GL7rU
Diva Magazine
https://web.archive.org/web/20230610094303/https://diva-magazine.com/2019/01/22/opinion-are-some-feminists-asking-the-wrong-question-about-who-counts-as-a-lesbian/#:~:text=Thus%20gender%20critical%20lesbians%20respond%20to%20this%20issue%20by%20asserting%20trans%20women%20coerce%20cis%20lesbians%20into%20having%20unwanted%20sex.%20Yet%2C%20this%20is%20not%20actually%20happening.%20Rather%2C%20a%20conversation%20is%20being%20had%20around%20the%20issue%20of%20excluding%20a%20whole%20class%20of%20women%20as%20potential%20sexual%20partners%20in%20advance.https://archive.md/H0Yir#:~:text=Thus%20gender%20critical%20lesbians%20respond%20to%20this%20issue%20by%20asserting%20trans%20women%20coerce%20cis%20lesbians%20into%20having%20unwanted%20sex.%20Yet%2C%20this%20is%20not%20actually%20happening.%20Rather%2C%20a%20conversation%20is%20being%20had%20around%20the%20issue%20of%20excluding%20a%20whole%20class%20of%20women%20as%20potential%20sexual%20partners%20in%20advance.
Well, that was a lot of words to say "lesbians aren't being pressured to have sex with males, we're just trying to convince them excluding all males from their dating pool is wrong."
https://web.archive.org/web/20240221075925/https://diva-magazine.com/2024/02/20/lgbtqia-reject-l-community/
https://archive.md/xgksj
Diva published an article published an article encouraging the "LGBTQIA community" to protest against a lesbian bar that excludes biological males.
The first paragraph is about an "LGBTQIA journalist" who has called for the "queer" community to protest the bar. They claim the bar, run by Jenny Watson will "reportedly only admit cis women" and will '"legally restrict" the trans community from entering,' however, in the next paragraph they quote Watson saying the bar will be for "biological females only". Trans men and nonbinary people born female are biologically female, so their framing of the event as "trans-exclusionary" is inaccurate. The article ends by saying DIVA will "stand for inclusion...When there is already so much transphobia within the media and society, it has never been more important that we support our trans siblings and provide them with safe spaces. #DIVAwiththeT"
The article failed to mention that Watson has recieved a threat of gang rape, among others.
Lesbians have faced immense pressure to sleep with trans women, and no LGBTQIA activists seem to have problems with trans-only groups online or offline.
LGBTQ Nation
https://web.archive.org/web/20221129052057/https://www.lgbtqnation.com/2018/12/famous-lesbian-site-taken-anti-trans-feminists-now-lesbian-media-standing/#:~:text=The%20site%20has%20also%20come%20under%20fire%20for%20linking%20transphobic%20content%20on%20Twitter%2C%20like%20linking%20this%20video%20that%20links%20transgender%20identity%20and%20bodies%20with%20sexual%20assault%20on%20women.https://archive.md/esfxK#:~:text=The%20site%20has%20also%20come%20under%20fire%20for%20linking%20transphobic%20content%20on%20Twitter%2C%20like%20linking%20this%20video%20that%20links%20transgender%20identity%20and%20bodies%20with%20sexual%20assault%20on%20women.
LGBTQ Nation appears to think lesbians reinforcing their sexual boundaries is "transphobic".
Miscellaneous
Daily Dot
https://web.archive.org/web/20231103015153/https://www.dailydot.com/irl/lesbian-transgender-woman/#:~:text=%E2%80%9CI%20am%20a,were%20not%20so.%E2%80%9Dhttps://archive.md/HG7Wn#:~:text=%E2%80%9CI%20am%20a,were%20not%20so.%E2%80%9D
Complaining about anonymous lesbian on Reddit saying she's not attracted to penises, even though said lesbian says trans women are real women.
'As it turns out, cisgender lesbians’ disgust toward trans women’s bodies have more to do with cultural conditioning than so-called “preferences.”'
Insinuating that homosexuality is caused by society rather than innate sexual orientation - reiterating a homophobic trope from the religious right. Way to go, Daily Dot.
The Stranger
https://web.archive.org/web/20220726123254/https://www.thestranger.com/columns/2015/05/13/22206305/savage-love#:~:text=You%20can%20put%20%22not%20into%20trans%20women%22%20in%20your%20online%20dating%20profile%2C%20CIS%2C%20but%20you%27ll%20have%20to%20hand%20in%20your%20Trans%20Ally%20card.https://archive.is/cwBIB
'You can put "not into trans women" in your online dating profile, CIS, but you'll have to hand in your Trans Ally card.'