Dating apps

Popular LGBT+ dating apps such as Grindr, Her and Romeo are making it hard for gay men and lesbians to exclude the opposite sex from their dating pool. Attempts to do so are considered "discrimination". There have been reports of lesbians being banned from dating apps^[1] and suffering abuse^[2] for saying they're only interested in same-sex dates. Mainstream dating app Hinge has also been accused of doing this.

Confused about what the heck is going on? See our explanation.

Grindr's new policy removes users' ability to filter out the opposite sex

Grindr, which used to be an app for gay men, has introduced a policy which prevents users filtering by sex. Filtering for men will include "all men" (this means "cis" men and trans men (who have vaginas). However, there are still filters for trans people to find each other. Talk about double standards.

The article says "The Gender Filter makes it super easy to find who you’re into (and be found by who’s into you!), as well as connect with your community." Something tells me many gay men would disagree. One thing's for certain, Fred Sargeant, a Stonewall Riots veteran and a founder of the first Gay Pride, isn't happy about it.^[3]^[4]

View archived copy on Wayback Machine
View archived copy on archive.today

HER

The lesbian dating app on a crusade against... lesbians?

HER, which formerly described itself as "the lesbian dating app"^[5]^[6], has now rebranded as a "sapphic dating app", "made for queers, by queers"^[8]^[9]^[10]. This subtle rebranding belies a much bigger shift in attitudes. In March 2022, it released an article^[7] saying its trans users "face significant challenges on dating apps". According to the article, they surveyed 500 trans and gender nonconforming users of their app and found 66% identify as trans women, and that the most common "trans-specific hurdle" was "trans-exclusionary preferences". At the end of the article they state "We’ve...kicked our TERF control into overdrive so that our users can report phobic profiles, posts, and messages. We are more explicit than ever that that behavior is not...welcome on HER." In a world where lesbians are pressured to include opposite sex in their dating pool lest they be called transphobic, one wonders what it might be like to be a lesbian on such an app.

One rule for me, and another for thee

Reduxx reported that several lesbians claimed to have been banned from HER for having things like "biological women only", "no trans women" and "adult human female" in their profile. The article also includes a screenshot from HER's instagram account, where they encourage a lesbian to "reflect" on why her "attraction isn't inclusive AF", telling her to "keep that to yourself".

HER again makes its stance clear in its FAQ^[8]^[10], saying 'There’s also the disheartening feeling of swiping through too many people with things like “no trans people” in their profile.' and "we take a very firm and proactive stance against hateful/discriminatory behavior." However, HER provides a "T4T" (trans for trans^[11]/trans loving trans^[12]) "pride pin"^[8]^[10]. Looks like trans people are free to exclude anyone who isn't trans, but biological women aren't free to exclude the opposite sex.

HER mocking and sexually harassing lesbians who complain about bad experiences on the app, and other women

Hover your mouse over or tap on the screenshots to view links to the original posts and additional info. Before you ask, yes, this is HER's official Twitter account. I checked.^[9]^[10]

View on: [Twitter] [Wayback Machine] [archive.today]

View on: [Twitter]

View on: [Twitter] [archive.today]

View on: [Twitter] [archive.today] [Wayback Machine]

View on: [Twitter] [archive.today]

Puff pieces by "progressive" media outlets

NBC News published an article^[13] about the app, quoting HER's CEO Robyn Exton several times, but not interviewing any victims of its homophobic policies. However, they make their views clear when they quote Exton saying "When you are explicitly stating that you will not consider a whole identity group, that tosses discriminatory behavior." HER's abusive tweets got their Twitter account temporarily suspended, and the article quotes Exton saying it was "largely because of the interaction with the ‘TERF’ audience, who then just kept repeatedly reporting our account." The article was published on April 28, 2023, shortly after some of the abusive, sexually harassing posts which can be found above.

LGBT "news" outlet Pink News also published an article^[14] claiming HER's Twitter account was suspended due to a "pile-on", in which "anti-trans bigots reported the app's Twitter account in droves". The article says the app's social media team responded to 'an onslaught of "violent messages" from anti-trans activists', but provides no evidence of such messages. However, there were several abusive and sexually harassing posts made from HER's Twitter account a few days before Pink News published the article on April 28, 2023 (see above). The article says HER CEO Robyn Exton is '"so sick" at the levels of "aggression and violence" so-called gender critical activists aim at the app'. What violence are they talking about? Who knows? They provide zero evidence of this claim. According to the article, Exton said "HER has always been a platform that is for...anyone who identifies as a woman".

Romeo

The "gay, bi and trans" dating app that tried to push an exclusively same sex attracted man into the closet

The tweets have since been deleted.

View on: [Twitter] [Wayback Machine] [archive.today] [Wayback Machine] [archive.today]

"Gay, bi and trans" dating app Romeo believes gay men shouldn't say they're not into the opposite sex.

Tags: special, dating app, keep it to yourself

Hinge

Lesbian barrister claims she was banned for saying she was only interested in "biological female[s]"

According to the Daily Mail, lesbian barrister and ex-firefighter Lucy Masoud set her profile to "women seeking women" only to find every third or fourth match was a trans woman. She then changed her profile to read: "All I ask is that you be on time, don’t moan about me getting overly involved in Love Island and that you’re a biological female." She was then permanently banned for "transphobia".

Lucy told the Daily Mail: "It was clear that a number of people had complained about my profile saying I was transphobic". She continued: "You need to remember this is 2020. I'd been out of the closest since I was 16. When I was 16 I could happily say I'm a lesbian and same-sex attracted and that I'd only sleep with women. Now, I can't say that and if I do, I'm accused of being a bigot and a transphobe which just seems crazy to me that as a 43-year-old woman, I'm less safe now to say I'm same-sex attracted than I was when I was 16."

Are you a same sex attracted person who's had a bad experience on a homophobic dating app? Why not leave a review?

Please keep comments civilised. You will be more convincing if you speak in a calm, rational manner. Even if the app ignores you and others abuse you, it'll show where the hate is really coming from.

WARNING: Trans rights activists and their allies are known for their vicious attacks on anyone who disagrees with them. There have been death threats, job losses and even legal action. Stay safe.

Grindr
Google Play
App Store
Twitter
Her
Google Play
App Store
HER's Twitter account strives to attract controversy, which seems to be part of their business model. I'd advise not giving it any more oxygen.
Romeo
Google Play
App Store
Twitter
Hinge
Google Play
App Store
Twitter
Instagram

Citations

The New Homophobia